A tricky, difficult, I even want to say yucky thing happened this week. A very close family member has had a hard time and responded in a way that they are not proud of.
And on being a part of this I have sunk into a scary hole of pain and fear. The world just feels like a scary place and I cannot cope with seeing my favourites get stung by the nastiness of it all.
Is this normal? I feel like a scratched record, the tune goes on but I keep getting pulled violently back to the realisation that someone I love is in pain. And so it begins….
I want to wrap them all in soft, cosy cotton wool. I can’t do that so to preserve myself I might run away and hide and retreat from any relationship with someone I love so much. Nope, that is silly. I will miss them and still feel this overwhelming sadness-pain. So I start thinking about not being here any more.
How do I do this? How do I not feel this mind-bending pain? Does everyone feel this? Is this part of my mental illness? Do some of us just suffer heart ache more?
stumbeline 